#14. White Noise

#14. White Noise

You’re talking.

I can see your lips move,

your hands making arcs in the air

your eyebrows scrunched up in worry.

But I don’t hear you.

All I hear is the repeated words,

as if on an infinite loop,

you failed you failed you failed.

Parvathi and I are attempting Rebirth in April in July. Her responsive poem to this prompt is amazing. Go, click the link here!

#12. Relearning happiness

#12. Relearning happiness

It is 4:32 AM.

I am not asleep.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be.

All the events since the last month have eaten bits and pieces

of me, slowly.

I get up to make myself some tea.

I pad around my apartment,

seeing but not noticing.

Hearing all the early morning noises

but not really listening.

I turn the radio on for company,

but all the chanting and the mantras makes me feel sick.

All

Over

Again.

I have no clue what this this about, but I had other things in mind. But I am typing this at 6:50 AM, so yay me!

#10. Counting backwards from 10

#10. Counting backwards from 10

Deep breaths.

Inhale. Mouth closed.

Exhale. Mouth open. 

I count the number of random strangers around me

who were having a peaceful time without knowing me

or my anger management issues.

A hand, firm and strong, comes up on my shoulder.

I try smiling at him,

my father, supporter of everything I do,

there’s no reason for me to be angry at him.

But I know the smile comes off as grim,

as I see myself in him,

In his eyes, as reflection.

In the smiles we share.

In the hard, determined set of jaw

and the same pink ears.

His hand is all I need

Instead of a bucket of ice cold water.

I’m attempting the set of prompts, Rebirth in April, together with Parvathi. Check out her poems!

#7. Accidental Birthdays

It was a long day,

longer than the Equinox,

longer than the Solstice, even.

My eyelids were heavy and half-closed

when I made back to my apartment that night.

Shoving my bag aside and switching on the lights,

people jump up and scream,

“Happy Birthday!”

Huh?

I am confused, only momentarily,

because then you come bouncing towards me

with a huge, face-splitting smile,

so genuine and warm

and even your slight frame knocks me back a little,

when you hug me with so much love.

“Happy birthday!” You say.

I smile back at her,

as she leads me towards the cake.

It was the best birthday ever,

even if it was a few months early.

Parvathi and are doing Rebirth In April in June. Yes. No, we’re not confused. Check out her poetry! They’re amazing!

#6. When the bottom falls out

At this point in life,

I thought I’d reached the bottom.

And I was so excited that

for the first time in my life,

there was no other way to go down,

except up.

Where i could see the winking light

of red dwarfs and white giants

and the occasional blue twinkling.

But then the bottom gave out

and I fell so deep that

I couldn’t see the Sun anymore.

Somewhat how I’m feeling these days.

Parvathi and I are attempting Rebirth In April! Check out her poems!

Hopefully I will have a header by the end of the day.

#3. Chasing Secrets

“I have to tell you something,”

Your warm breath tingles on my ear

and I feel it all the way

down.

I can’t see you but

I feel the smile on your lips

against my neck.

This is so much better

making my body rise to the occasion.

I sigh.

“Do you need to tell me right now,

right this moment?”

I ask.

You nod; I feel it against me neck.

I open my eyes and to see you looking down at me,

smiling warmly.

And you say,

“I love you,”

I melt into a puddle of happiness and love.

Something cheesy to get through the day! XD

 

#2. Wasting time on temptation

Sometimes, when I catch myself

Staring at him, for no absolute reason

other than that I fancy him,

I mentally scold myself.

“You will not go through that pain

again!

You will not out yourself through

falling in love,

again!

No, commitments with boys

who do-and-dash are fatal

for the heart.”

And I know it better than anyone else.

Fighting this temptation is really hard,

and it takes all that I have in me to fight

and think of you as an ugly, unlovable

ogre, inside and out.

Well, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t speak it out of experience. XD