#12. Relearning happiness

#12. Relearning happiness

It is 4:32 AM.

I am not asleep.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be.

All the events since the last month have eaten bits and pieces

of me, slowly.

I get up to make myself some tea.

I pad around my apartment,

seeing but not noticing.

Hearing all the early morning noises

but not really listening.

I turn the radio on for company,

but all the chanting and the mantras makes me feel sick.

All

Over

Again.

I have no clue what this this about, but I had other things in mind. But I am typing this at 6:50 AM, so yay me!

#9. The force of forgetting you

#9. The force of forgetting you

What if you’d replied to that last email?

What if you’d texted me, “I don’t understand what you’re saying…”

What if you’d told me, “Sorry, no,”

Or, “Let’s talk soon.”

What if you’d not made me feel like a total idiot?

Would I still be pining that you didn’t even think we had a chance?

Or would I be a different person?

Would I have forgotten you already?

Just like I am trying so hard to push away

the thoughts of you that just seem to

creep in at odd hours of the day.

Well, old memories here to screw us up.

Parvathi over at Queen Talks and I are attempting this set of prompts together, called Rebirth in April, created by JR Rogue and Kat Savage.

#8. Flowers in your hair

#8. Flowers in your hair

“Papa, why did Maa wear flowers in her hair?”

My hands stilled for the briefest of times.

My smile wavered, but I kept it on.

My eyes stung with unshed tears,

tears that I blink away and glance at the photograph of us

on my bedside table.

“Because, she wanted to smell good all the time.”

As I finished braiding my daughter’s hair,

securing it with elastic bands with fake flowers,

she said, “Is that why you don’t let me wear flowers?”

I winced at her words.

How do I tell my second love of my life that

she is the splitting image of my first love?

That the only difference between them

are the flowers?

I told her, the standard “dad” reply,

“You’ll know when you get older.”

Well, it could’ve been better, but oh.

Lookie! I got myself a header! That I created all by myself!

I’m attempting Rebirth in April with Parvathi. Go check out her poems. They’re beautiful!

#6. When the bottom falls out

At this point in life,

I thought I’d reached the bottom.

And I was so excited that

for the first time in my life,

there was no other way to go down,

except up.

Where i could see the winking light

of red dwarfs and white giants

and the occasional blue twinkling.

But then the bottom gave out

and I fell so deep that

I couldn’t see the Sun anymore.

Somewhat how I’m feeling these days.

Parvathi and I are attempting Rebirth In April! Check out her poems!

Hopefully I will have a header by the end of the day.

#2. Wasting time on temptation

Sometimes, when I catch myself

Staring at him, for no absolute reason

other than that I fancy him,

I mentally scold myself.

“You will not go through that pain

again!

You will not out yourself through

falling in love,

again!

No, commitments with boys

who do-and-dash are fatal

for the heart.”

And I know it better than anyone else.

Fighting this temptation is really hard,

and it takes all that I have in me to fight

and think of you as an ugly, unlovable

ogre, inside and out.

Well, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t speak it out of experience. XD

#1. I’m just going to lie & tell you starting over was easy

Parvathi and I are back! We will be attempting JR Rogue’s and Kat Savage’s Rebirth in April in July. Yes, I know that sounds off, but if we didn’t do it, we agreed that our brain cells would’ve just dried up for no further use.

I hope to have a header soon. Let’s see what I can conjure up myself again this time.

I hear my heart cracking into a million little pieces

As I turn my back to you

and walk away.

I don’t cry because, well,

the tears don’t do justice to the

overwhelming feeling that I am currently feeling.

And then, I hear something else.

Another shatter, away from me.

This time, it is yours.

I look back and nod at you,

in acknowledgement that

it is just as had for you

as it is for me.

My City

This was a poem that I performed during the last Pratibha (a cultural fest) of my final year college, sometime last year. The theme was The World Through my Lens, and of course I’d write about my city. I secured third place for performing this! And then I fell sick for the next 10 days.

High rise apartments

on dead lakes.

Lakes that provided for hundreds and hundreds

of acres of farmlands.

Lakes that provided for hundreds of migratory birds and nature lovers.

Lakes that gave us drinking water,

fresh and healthy.

Lakes that were alive, fifty years ago.

It was about nature. It was about being happy.

What about now?

What about now, you ask?

Look around you!

High rise apartments,

software dumps,

industrial wastes,

air conditioning,

cars, cars with air conditioning,

Employment opportunities like no other!

Would you build a twenty storey house on your providers’ grave?

Should I be proud that this is about the development of my country?

Or should I hang my head in shame and shiver with fear that the one thing that I hold dear, will be snatched away from me

in the next ten years?

Looking back on this, there are lots of opportunities for improvement. But I wrote this in like, 20 minutes in class, so I shall forgive myself.